Today is a Gift

lillaology:

egberts:

raylaxy:

egberts:

i went into a gamestop from another reality today

What happened?

so, i only went in to get the shiny silvally code. should’ve taken like a minute or two at most but i was in there for upwards of ten. it was deeply unsettling right off the bat when i walked in because it was quiet. like really quiet. the tv that plays the gaming news and the speaker that plays the ads weren’t running. the cashier says hello and i get in line to wait. it is dead silent. nobody in the store is making any noise except for the cashier, who is typing. she’s helping a little boy sell 12 PS4 games. the boys mom is walking back and forth behind him sipping her gas station brand cup of coffee. literally just walking back and forth from one end of the store to the other. all the while the entire store is silent, the kid is silent, the mom is silent… all 5 of the other full grown adults in this store are silent. and i’m the only one in line behind this kid, these other adults throughout the store are like standing in one space just staring and being quiet. they weren’t browsing, they weren’t talking. nobody was making any noise. i wasn’t making any noise. i was standing there thinking about how eerily silent it was in this gamestop and wondering what the hell was going on - hyper aware of every move i made because i didn’t want to make a noise and break the silence. this carried on for literally 10 minutes before another cashier came in through the front door and loudly exclaimed “i can’t leave you alone for five minutes.” he called me to the counter and asked me what i needed help with. it was like immediately the ambient noises of gamestop all returned at once and i stepped forward to get my code.

my favorite part of this is the implication that not only was the first cashier somehow responsible for the eerie silence to begin with but also that this has certainly happened before

fishfag:

When you become 20 something, you have to forgive yourself or you will never grow up. You have to forgive yourself for everything and learn from it.

susiephone:

explanations for house not dropping f-bombs:

  • he’s on a network show (boring, pedestrian, lacks imagination, accurate)
  • cuddy started a swear jar and f-bombs are $1000 each because it was the only way to stop him (goofy, delightful, i assume his fellows rat him out)
  • wilson bet him he couldn’t insult people without saying fuck and that escalated to wilson betting him he couldn’t FUNCTION without saying fuck and it’s been a decade but house is too stubborn to quit now (canon as far as i’m concerned)
  • house knows where the camera is and when the fourth wall is in play and only says fuck when he knows he’s offscreen (house is bugs bunny with vicodin, in this essay i will-)

seardrax:

thekawaiibutterflygirl:

fluorescentbrains:

brendanicus:

diogenesnuts:

theocseason4:

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Nahhhh not a therapist saying this what do you think you get paid for

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fandom therapist turns out to be high school mean girl more at 10

doc davis actually isn’t associated with the tiktok user—and they’re really salty about the video

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oh g o d, NO jlsfdlksfdjkjsdfkjlsdfjlksdf BRUH

Reblog this version. The response of the real doctor is very important as well as the keymash.

quark-nova:

escuerzoresucitado:

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cuddling

Important addition:

as promised, here's the two crows i saw lying in the grass, just messing around pic.twitter.com/vKyurck4Tl  — tef (@tef_ebooks) November 13, 2020ALT

saccharine-tar:

bidoof:

what farming items in mmorpgs has taught me: i used to think using ice trays to make ice cubes was free but after thinking about it i have to pay the electric bill to power the freezer so every moment that i’m not freezing new trays of ice cubes is a moment that i’m underutilizing the freezer and increasing the cost of ice cubes. i have to constantly swap out ice trays for new ice cubes on an hourly rotation on a 24 hour basis or else i won’t produce the maximum amount of ice cubes possible and will underutilize the full potential of my electric bill. i need to stop using all other appliances and utilities in my home to make more ice cubes

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thisintermezzo:

averagefairy:

fibonassi:

averagefairy:

this is a message for everyone who is 22. if you’re 22 please stop worrying. take a deep breath eat a bagel maybe. everything that feels impossible is going to work itself out. have a great day

do u have a message for 25 year olds

uhhhhh 2 bagels?

I’m 32. When I was in my early twenties, I overheard a pair of 50ish year old women talking about the ideal age to stay at permanently. One said, “Everyone says 25. I wouldn’t want to be in my twenties forever. Everything is hard and you get upset too easily.”

Hearing her say that helped me so much. I thought about it countless times. Every time things felt overwhelming, I remembered what she said. The words of this total stranger, who wasn’t even talking directly to me, brought me a lot of comfort, so I hope they can help you, too.

hortensius:

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

i went online and saw scary sex so im petioning we shut down websites. no more loud and scary sex on my tv.

Anonymous

cryptotheism:

cottoncandylesbo:

cottoncandylesbo:

^this guy cant handle the “PENIS FRIGHT” !

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penis ensnare and penis beware,

BECOME ENTOMBED IN MY PENIS LAIR!

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Wizard Council Provisional Spell Acceptance Application for: (Spell of Penis Lair)

[APPROVED]

brucespringsteendotcom:

Public transit be like your bus is due …..now! ……..now! …..any second now…….okay now! Just kidding uhh…………..now! Okay itll be 17 minutes ☺️ hope that helps. Aw shit we sent the invisible bus again

unalivejournal:

i hate how i havent been alive for an inconceivable majority of humanity’s existence. i want to see

tlirsgender:

The thing is that I don’t want to be employed but I also don’t want to be unemployed. I actually want our entire economic system to explode but that’s not really a feasible option right now